Your baby is not as you imagined during your pregnancy and now guilt and conflicting feelings are assailing you. Here are some thoughts on a taboo issue.
After your baby is born, you are “a happy woman” and that is a feeling shared by dad, family, friends and, to a lesser extent, other children… That’s right, giving birth is a hell of an adrenaline rush.
But as the clinic stays shorter and shorter, you often go home, with or without an episiotomy or cesarean section, and with a lot of fatigue. Very quickly, too, the feedings, the short nights, the backaches.
The Dream, Then, Does Not Necessarily The Reality
You can never be warned enough about the reality of a baby at home. The classes, during pregnancy, are there to prepare you physically and exchange with other moms and midwives. We mostly trade on the baby in the belly. The magazines, the entourage and the moms themselves talk about the idyllic baby: a sweet, chubby little angel who makes rosettes and smells good… these are the strong images conveyed by society as a whole. But every birth and pregnancy has its history, with little boo-boo to take seriously.
The Sex We Never Imagined
Already at the time of the reading of the ultrasound, a disappointment can be born: you wanted a girl, the doctor announces a boy! Patras, the planned name doesn’t work anymore and then Grandma adores the little girls!
What sense is there in preferring one sex over another? It’s never innocent. Maybe dad idealized this new little blonde head, with his own projections. But normally you have time to think about it until birth. However, it can still be frustrating and it is important to talk about it with your partner, your gynecologist or shrink, before birth.
The Return Home Is Chaotic
Once the day of the planned outing, the organization of this moment is as important as that of the departure to the hospital. And yet, it is sometimes chaotic, parents are excited, children clumsy and it is perhaps in January with -30 ° Everyone comes home, with flu or Anger, including you. Everyone has to find their place in the House, including your baby who often shares your room. Then the short nights and lack of sleep begin.
Fatigue, Followed By Baby Blues
We would like to see more doctors and newspapers that provide more information about this period of fatigue. Your body changes in record time: after 9 months in very close contact with your baby, all of a sudden, it is no longer there, and your body has not yet returned to its pre-pregnancy form… Often pounds to lose, in addition to other things to do. The short nights in the weeks following the birth are also a source of great fatigue. You are easily at the end and fragile! Sometimes you cry and you think you’re stupid!
Ambivalence, Even Disappointment
You feel a certain ambivalence between the joy of finally having this little loved one, but you did not imagine during your pregnancy that it would be such a mess in your life. Only mothers who are in their second or third pregnancy know this.
You may also feel a certain disappointment: it is not exactly as you wanted it to be. Then we’re talking about image distortion, because you dreamed him blond, he’s red-haired, he was supposed to be tall, but he’s very small. You find that he cries a lot, that he doesn’t drink enough, etc.then the dream collapses and your morale starts to play yo-yo too.
Guilt Is On You
The fact that your morale is bad, that little Arthur doesn’t look like the little boy you would have liked to have and you’re not far from saying you’re not a good mother… You feel guilty about wanting to go to the movies when Little Arthur won’t let you and you curse him after an hour of crying in his crib!
But know one thing: super moms and super babies don’t exist! Your baby is very real and you will have to tame each other. You’re probably going to complain, cry, even regret!! Patience must help you. On the other hand, your physical recovery plays an important role.
What Don’t You Do?
- Don’t try to be a ” super mom “.
- Don’t compare your baby to your neighbor’s.
- Don’t run all day, with a very busy schedule.
- Don’t listen to those who say their baby is an ” angel “.
- Don’t be alone with your baby all the time. journée.Ne doesn’t cry alone in your corner.
What Should You Do?
- Ask for help when you get back from the clinic, especially from someone caring.
- Make room for daddy to care for your baby.
- Take a nap when a baby’s asleep.
- Find pictures of you and your partner when you were babies and talk!
- Share your ambivalent emotions with a doctor, a shrink.
- As soon as possible, arrange times for yourself without your baby and don’t feel guilty.
- Take the path of the couple and let your child grow up: he will show you the way.
The Important Thing Is You
You gave birth to a baby, which is already a beautiful achievement. Now it’s important to take care of yourself too so you can take care of your baby. Do not hesitate to ask for help even from other children, who often like to participate. And at the next pregnancy, you will know, before the birth, how much the arrival of a baby is a real tidal wave that requires organization and support.
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