Monday, March 4, 2024

Parenting: Birth Accompaniment for the Father

Birth accompaniment by the father of the baby is one of the most adored acts to a woman. Women in the phase of pregnancy, especially during the trimester when she feels that birth is in the way to come, in that time she feels the craving of her husband’s accompaniment.

Your wife tells you she wants to hire an attendant, but you’re skeptical? You’re not the only one.

The reserve that I hear the most comes from men, who fear to see me rob their place near their dear and tender, and who fear that I come to break the intimacy of their couple in this moment so unique and charged with emotions that will be the birth of their child.

I can easily put myself in your place; when you hear for the first time your wife evokes the idea of having you accompanied: you will not be the only one to have a close relationship, of trust; with your lover. You won’t have the exclusivity of being able to relieve it, and that irritates you in advance.

Many papas who show themselves as ex officio parents have the same fears, but go over their sensibility to satisfy their companion.

All the dads I have accompanied; say that they are ultimately relieved that they have not gone through this ordeal alone and wonder how others do it; without a companion.

They are amazed at the personal, marital and family benefits they derive from it.

The most reluctant often end up praising the accompaniment to their future friends’ dads!

The initial fears and reservations stem in general from a lack of knowledge of the role of the companion; on the one hand, and on the other hand, from the reality of what it means to give birth, in a hospital environment, moreover.

Here are some tried and tested facts to dissolve misunderstandings:

A good companion increases qualitatively and quantitatively the involvement of the spouse with the mother…

Spouses who want to get fully involved in the workplace; are afraid that they will be robbed of the spotlight and be relegated to the rocking chair: the exact opposite is true!

Prenatal meetings inform and equip AHS, who will be able to situate himself in the progression of the work by recognizing the signs specific to each stage; identify the needs and the good actions to take, and draw at the right time from his toolbox.

He will feel prepared, competent, adequate, and strengthened in his confidence as a good working companion. The future unaccompanied dads say after the fact that they have suffered from a great feeling of helplessness and distress to see their wife suffer without understanding the purpose of this pain; and without having in them the physical (because exhausted) and mental resources (because ignorant of all the tricks to relieve the pain; reassure a tried woman, encourage her when she hits a wall; and advance the work) to support her. And the unescorted moms regret having “to manage their boyfriend”; whose face was deconfessional or the obvious anguish was pitiful… A man warned is worth two!

Intimacy on the day of childbirth takes on a completely different meaning than we imagined.

Papa curiously fears to find disturbing the presence of a companion he knows and with whom the couple has already established relationships of trust; but does not question that of the multiple scrubs, nurses, residents, externals and doctors! To attend hospitals assiduously; we know very well that this is the last place conducive to the intimacy of families with incessant comings and goings; imposed gestures and, honestly; a recurring hint of condescension towards ” mom ” and “dad”. »…

The only way for the couple to ensure the greatest possible intimacy in these rather hostile conditions is to close on themselves a bubble of love; concentration, and confidence; which will optimize the hormonal production and thus the course of childbirth. And this is not possible when the father is seized by the violence of the reactions of his wife; herself seized by that of her contractions; that they are both struggling with their fears; their apprehension of what will follow; and their incomprehension of the hospital protocols or the very process of birth (which can be quite wild).

This is also not possible when the father and often the mother are completely occupied by the material management of their territory: sifting the lights, closing the doors, responding to the externals who check the validity of the medical file they have in their hands; covering his naked body, physically helping his wife, frozen by the pain, to go back in the bath or to get up from the toilet.

You will have much more privacy and will be able to concentrate on your baby who is coming by delegating all these tasks to your companion. One man available is worth two!

An attendant creates the conditions for the father to also live his own birthing experience.

In many cases, the father, who is necessarily a passive spectator of pregnancy; does not even dare to imagine that he could derive anything from the birth other than an experience from attending the event.

He is often the first to be surprised to realize that the accompaniment has enabled him to live his first paternity experience powerfully.

Without a companion; the father is completely devoted to the needs of his spouse and does not have the time to analyze what he lives, him, as a man.

He can often not slip away for a second, and he barely goes to the toilet or have coffee to fight against sleep. He has no one but busy nurses; or freshly arrived for their shift and unaware of the past hours; to get information, to be reassured, to be considered.

It is therefore in survival mode; on adrenaline, and cannot take a break: not the ideal circumstances to enjoy the present moment and realize the immensity and stakes of what it is experiencing.

Surrounded, encouraged, relayed; the accompanied dad manages to take a step back in stressful moments.

He can take a hot meal; manage physically or by phone the organization of life that goes on beyond the room (seniors, family, work); sleep for two hours in the upstairs waiting room or stick against his wife; knowing that the companion watches over and comforts.

A freshman is worth two!

A good companion knows how to adapt in real-time to the changing needs of the couple and respond to them properly.

It never imposes itself and has developed with experience a radar moods detector: it feels when its presence is required; and when it is not. Personally; my priority in prenatal care is to equip the father well so that he takes his place on D-Day.

My reward is to see the couple huddled in their bubble and to make me forget. When a father struggles to support his wife as she wishes; I run to her, give her a push or take it over; depending on what is best for her.

I want to be a chameleon for the couple; there when it’s necessary; discreet at all times, invisible when it manages very well alone this work that belongs to them.

Finally, in prenatal care; the caregiver must guarantee the flexibility of her service: the spouses can determine the formula that best suits them (meetings with or without childbirth), and come back at any time (the payment of expenses is then another subject…).

Personally, I reassure my clients that they can ask me to leave at any time of the work and that my ego will not be put to shame!

I want them to feel comfortable telling me how their needs are changing.

To accompany the motherhood is to fit together like Russian dolls: the companion contains the couple so that the father can contain the mother who contains the baby… and believe me; two pairs of arms are better than one to surround a mother en route to the journey of her life.

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