Many couples find that they have so focused their love and attention on their little one, that they have lost each other along the way.
Staying In Love When You’re Parents!
Do something before it’s too late!
“Since the arrival of Mathilde, who is now 2 years old; my husband and I have made the difficult finding that we are not as close as we wanted as a couple.
Is it normal for a child to take up so much space in a couple; to the point of forgetting himself? And is it possible to be reunited after putting our energies on the well-being of our child for so long? »
One day, there are two of us, with our heads full of dreams; including the birth of a child to seal our love; and the next day, we wake up as a family.
It’s quite a turn of events in a lifetime! A new reality that requires everyone a great capacity for adaptation; a good dose of tolerance, a lot of Good Will… and love!
First of all, there is the new routine to integrate; a much fuller Daily than we imagined! “We manage; at some point to take a shower and a coffee before the middle of the afternoon? “once asked me a mother completely overwhelmed by the “demands” of life with her 4-month-old baby.
There is also the fatigue of the interspersed nights which means that; when you put your head on the pillow; you fantasize much more about the idea of 7 hours of sleep online than a night of love with your partner!
Hormones often get in the way too; making our desire go down without us having much control over the situation! And this is not to mention all the changes that our body has undergone, and that has an impact on us who no longer feel as well in our skin; as on our man; who hardly lives this loss of self-esteem on our part.
There is finally this little being in front of which one wonders at the slightest movement; at the slightest smile, to whom one looks for similarities – ” he has your eyes, I find and… my little hole in the chin! “- and around which, invariably; conversations with our spouse come to revolve.
It’s amazing to see how much you can tell each other about your finesse!
The dads of today; who have the taste to invest more and more with their offspring; also contribute to the estrangement of the couple in their own way.
They work outdoors and; on evenings and weekends, many of them want to be with the foam and enjoy it.
They also have the desire to be actively involved in the education of their children; and as we cannot agree on everything – so many memories of my daughter’s hard nights come to mind when I write these words, phew! – this can cause major disagreements within the couple.
The Support Of The Entourage.
It is also important to mention that today’s reality does not offer all families the chance to have a support network close to home in case of need.
Whether it is because we have left our home region or even our country; because our loved ones – and often even our parents – are still active professionally; many couples feel isolated if they are invaded by a daily too intense.
We don’t have a lot of people to count on if you feel the need to spend time together for dinner or a romantic weekend. Sometimes we don’t even dare to afford activities for ourselves; for fear of making the other person’s task more difficult or of having enough on our hands when we return!
As a result, after some time; we find ourselves living in a world that is almost essentially focused on the needs of the child.
We realize that we still love each other, but we note; unfortunately, that the couple is no longer what they used to be.
What Can I Do?
Take a moment; once the kids are asleep – even if it’s only 15 or 30 minutes – to sit together.
You can discuss everything and nothing or just stick together by reading a good book or watching TV.
This may seem trivial, but this physical rapprochement greatly helps couples “connect” to each other.
Dedramatize your swirling daily routine: by learning to laugh together about the surprises of the family’s daily routine; and accepting that we don’t have control over certain things; you will experience the constraints and demands of parenting in a much less intense way.
Go Out As a Couple!
If a lover’s weekend is not realistic for you; it is surely possible to plan occasionally dinner in the restaurant one-on-one or a coffee-dessert – easier to arrange to babysit when the routine of “meal – bath – history – dodo” has passed.
If you don’t have a big budget, walk out together, hand in hand, play sports or share a hobby; rent a movie to watch at home when you’re a baby.
With popcorn as a bonus, you might want to spoil yourself a bit!
Do Things To Please Yourself!
By learning to find yourself as an individual; by reconnecting with your passions; with hobbies that please you, you will feel better about yourself as a person and you will slowly move away from your constant preoccupation with your child’s needs.
You will gradually become aware of your own and necessarily; this will have a positive impact on your couple!
Try to talk to your spouse as you become dissatisfied. Invite him to do the same and listen to him… communication is still the best ally for getting closer.
If your child is old enough to understand its meaning, explain to him that his father is also your lover. Show her photo albums of your “no baby” life, tell her how you met; your first moments of life together.
In addition to making him understand how important it is that you spend time together in order to preserve your love; it will certainly bring back good memories and perhaps also sparkle that was enough to rekindle the flame!
In closing, I share with you, from one of my authors coup de cœur, a small jewel of book where a mother tells her child ” the most beautiful love story “, the one who once put this very special little being in her bed… to discover alone (you will go from laughter to tears at first reading) or with your child!
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